My name is L Bag, you might know me from Barstool Sports and PopOffBaby.com. I am an original member of the Paul Walker Memorial Cup. I have been here through the highs/lows and have seen it all. I’m currently directing “Paul Walker Memorial Cup: The Movie” and have taken it upon myself to crank the league up to the next level where I came up with the idea for Gibsihana.
In 2016, a video came out where Tyrese Gibson hosted a party in his backyard Benihana. Yes, you read that correctly. Tyrese Gibson has a full fledged Benihana restaurant in his back yard:
Along with a Starbucks and a Dry Cleaners…
A couple months ago our league was tossing around potential locations for our draft: Nashville, Chicago, Denver…I threw around the idea of hosting our draft in Tyrese Gibson’s Backyard Benihana. Like most of my ideas it was ignored and tossed to the side until yesterday when my balls got tickled on LinkedIn and I woke up to this:
The man himself creeping on my linkedin profile. Was it because Tyrese saw my “Just the Tip” video that came out last week and was blown away by my instant star power jumping off the screen and wanted to invite to be his co-star in his next movie where I’ll forget about all the losers of my past and start living a life of lavish in the Hollywood Hills?!??!?!?! Me and Tyrese know I have what’s called the “it factor” in the #biz.
Sadly, he was contacting me because I drunkenly sent him a request to connect to try and make Gibsihana happen about 4 months ago. Now that I have the man with the coolest backyard in America checking me out I decided to re-break the ice.
A day went by where I spent the bulk of my day shooting off random emails and DMs to Tyrese’s various charities, foundations and affiliations to get in touch with the man himself. Shit, if I could get my hands on Tyrese’s Grandma instagram handle I’d probably send her a DM at this point. After putting a hard day’s work on company time I came to the conclusion that my efforts were futile and I could chalk Gibsihana up as another dumb idea that was neither practical or possible.
Until this morning when I awoke to this…
HOLY FUCK was an understatement. I don’t want to exaggerate but this morning was probably the happiest I’ve been driving to work in the past three years I’ve been working selling refurbished Bowflex fitness machines all throughout the Northeast. So many thoughts were running through my head. What should I wear? What are we going to talk about? How the hell am I going to raise 20 Gs for Tyrese? Didn’t matter. As far as I was concerned at approximately 7:25 AM EST on 4/16/19, Tyrese Gibson and I were basically best friends.
Until this morning when I started to do some digging…
Look I can spot a catfish from a mile away. I try to catfish people everyday. I mean look at my tinder photo: that’s me circa 2014 probably 30 to 40 pounds lighter than I am now depending on the day.
Does that look like the face of a man about to steal your wife???
I dont know ask your wife, I wouldn’t know. Not getting a lot right swipes. Can’t really seem to figure out why. But you find me a girl that doesn’t want to go on a date to Tyrese Gibson’s Backyard Benihana with me and 9 other guys and I’ll show you a liar.
Anyways, my research suggested that the man we were dealing may have not been Tyrese Gibson when I noticed his contact information was this:
GMail address, street address that doesn’t exist, really weird list of connections. Something didn’t add up. This is also not acknowledging the poorly written bio
and lack of verified LinkedIn logo I saw on other celebrity profiles.
But fuck it. Whatever. I’m an eternal optimist and as far as I was concerned I was in good shape. Me and Tyrese were connected. You know just typical LinkedIn shit where CEOs link up to talk about stocks and #business. I sent my newfound #business partner a proposal to reiterate the PWMC’s request:
Tyrese, at least who I believed to be Tyrese, responded almost instantly with this:
Two of the most eloquent sentences of the past decade that have the sentence flow that read like they were coming through Stephen Hawking’s computer voice box while he was wheeling himself through a tunnel with bad wifi reception.
Now my antennas are up. My deepest fears are appearing to be true but as the eternal optimist I kept believing but needed confirmation that this was in fact the real Tyrese.
At this moment, the gloves were off. I went from being as happiest as I’ve been in months at 7:25 AM EST to as mad as I’ve been in months at 4:39 PM EST. I’m furious and out for blood. Vahdeem Viktor is public enemy number one. I’m out for blood and I won’t sleep until I’m eating Hibachi in Tyrese’s backyard. I’m officially in full man-hunt mode and I’m digging through the depths of the internet to get to Tyrese. This was a major setback for a major comeback. I don’t just destroy my enemies, I conquer them and dance on their graves.
Fake Tyrese/Vahdem actually sent me a selfie like I requested.
This is what I found upon opening the “selfie”
Ran a quick reverse google image search on the photo and I found this:
Of course Vahdeem/Fake Tyrese would not back down.
My question for Vahdeem is simple.
What the fuck? Who the fuck catfishes themselves as Tyrese Gibson on LinkedIn of all places? Maybe one of the weirdest scheme attempts I’ve ever seen on the internet to date.
After some digging we found that Vahdem is working double time as bitcoin snakeoil schemebag when he’s not too busy impersonating Tyrese Gibson on LinkedIn. A real jack of all trades.
I can confidently as say as the founder of the number one headquarters on the internet for WNBA, Cryptocurrency and G-League news at PopOffBaby.com I have never felt less confident in the future of bitcoin than I do right now.
In closing, I say all of that to say this…
I will not sleep until I’m eating Hibachi in Tyrese’s backyard toasting to another successful PWMC season. I’m initiating a call of action to anyone reading this. If you know anyone connected to Tyrese, please let me know. Let him know L Bag is in full man-hunt mode and it’s time to talk #business.
If you’re thinking about cat-fishing me or leading me astray, I’ve got two words for you.
It’s time for me to go to work and make some magic happen.